Random Birthday Thoughts, In Two Parts
Part I. Random Thoughts, Having Nothing To Do With Hearts, Except The Heart Cheney Nearly Stopped.
1. They say the fellow hunter shot by Dick Cheney is in "very stable" condition. Something bothers me about this. How can you be "very" stable? I thought the whole idea of stability was to avoid extremes such as "very"? Isn't this like calling someone "extraordinarily average?"
And no, I wasn't bothered by the fact that Cheney shot someone; I have come to expect this.
2. You know what my new favorite word is? Scuttle, as in, "After scuttling his ship, the captain scuttled away to the lifeboat. He scuttled, because he was Captain Claw, half-man, half-crab."
3. The big news from Hamilton: we have a Perkins. Also, Hardees closed down. First Dairy Queen, now Hardees. Damn you, McDonalds!
Seriously, this town needs to do something cool fast, or I might just get fed up.
4. Is there anything cooler than holding a hunk of snow beneath the water at a hot springs and watching it dissolve, air bubble by air bubble? Or holding it beneath the pipe where the water cascades into the pool and watching it disintegrate, vanishing completely within seconds?
5. Penguins are inherently amusing. You can make any story sound enigmatic and funny by referring to a "Penguin Incident."
Part II. Random Thought, Indirectly Dealing With Hearts, As It Vivisects Valentine's Day
I have often--especially of late--called Valentine's Day my nemesis. I have shared with several people my theory that the Valentine's Day Massacre was actually motivated by Al Capone's feelings of rejection after one of his molls left him for a man with a bigger tommy-gun. I have long touted Singles' Awareness Day as an alternative.
Clearly, I have long been full of sour grapes.
Nevertheless, I felt fully justified using my newly-stolen phrase, "Valentine's Day is against my religion," when I read the following headline on Yahoo! today: Valentine's Day boon for spies tracking infidelity.
Here is an excerpt from the story:
But for detective agencies across the United States, the romantic holiday is a boon for business as it is the ideal time for a spouse to catch a cheating mate.
"Valentine's Day is the biggest day of the year for private investigators," Tony Delorenzo, of Private Detectives of America, a New Jersey-based company, told AFP.
"This year we're doing surveillance Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday because if somebody has a lover it will be on one of those days to catch him."
Delorenzo and several other sleuths contacted said that in the run-up to the February 14 holiday, they had been overwhelmed with appeals by men and women seeking to find out whether their partner was unfaithful.
Aww. How . . . touching.
1. They say the fellow hunter shot by Dick Cheney is in "very stable" condition. Something bothers me about this. How can you be "very" stable? I thought the whole idea of stability was to avoid extremes such as "very"? Isn't this like calling someone "extraordinarily average?"
And no, I wasn't bothered by the fact that Cheney shot someone; I have come to expect this.
2. You know what my new favorite word is? Scuttle, as in, "After scuttling his ship, the captain scuttled away to the lifeboat. He scuttled, because he was Captain Claw, half-man, half-crab."
3. The big news from Hamilton: we have a Perkins. Also, Hardees closed down. First Dairy Queen, now Hardees. Damn you, McDonalds!
Seriously, this town needs to do something cool fast, or I might just get fed up.
4. Is there anything cooler than holding a hunk of snow beneath the water at a hot springs and watching it dissolve, air bubble by air bubble? Or holding it beneath the pipe where the water cascades into the pool and watching it disintegrate, vanishing completely within seconds?
5. Penguins are inherently amusing. You can make any story sound enigmatic and funny by referring to a "Penguin Incident."
Part II. Random Thought, Indirectly Dealing With Hearts, As It Vivisects Valentine's Day
I have often--especially of late--called Valentine's Day my nemesis. I have shared with several people my theory that the Valentine's Day Massacre was actually motivated by Al Capone's feelings of rejection after one of his molls left him for a man with a bigger tommy-gun. I have long touted Singles' Awareness Day as an alternative.
Clearly, I have long been full of sour grapes.
Nevertheless, I felt fully justified using my newly-stolen phrase, "Valentine's Day is against my religion," when I read the following headline on Yahoo! today: Valentine's Day boon for spies tracking infidelity.
Here is an excerpt from the story:
But for detective agencies across the United States, the romantic holiday is a boon for business as it is the ideal time for a spouse to catch a cheating mate.
"Valentine's Day is the biggest day of the year for private investigators," Tony Delorenzo, of Private Detectives of America, a New Jersey-based company, told AFP.
"This year we're doing surveillance Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday because if somebody has a lover it will be on one of those days to catch him."
Delorenzo and several other sleuths contacted said that in the run-up to the February 14 holiday, they had been overwhelmed with appeals by men and women seeking to find out whether their partner was unfaithful.
Aww. How . . . touching.
posted by Devin at 10:01 AM
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