Random Profits From Blind Dating

For the last couple months, I've been going on blind dates through a web site called CrazyBlindDate.com. My co-workers have been making fun of the notion for various reasons, including the predictable questions, such as "Are you dating a crazy blind girl?" These are the same co-workers who occasionally make me feel terrific by letting slip comments about how awful men are, so there you go.

The dates have been fine, nothing revolutionary, in the sense that my love life has not revolved from single to dating. I've had a couple of second dates, and occasionally email with one of the girls, but the real benefits, aside from the practice of talking to strangers without giving a damn if they like me or not, have been the following:

1) Choke, by Chuck Palahniuk. I guess I'm probably about ten years behind the times on the Chuck Palahniuk train. I saw Fight Club, of course, but never read it. First blind date that devolved (or evolved, depending on your perspective) into a mutual but separate browsing session at Green Apple Books saw the girl, Jamie, recommend this novel to me, and I bought it a month or so later with a gift card. Fun, easy reading, with the sense of good insights into the human condition; problematic treatment of women, which is partly an element of the narrator, but also a gratuitous and as-yet unexplained sex scene. Which makes two books in a row with that, after Al Gore's The Assault On Reason (now you have to read that, to see if I'm kidding or not.)

2) Photography. Good conversations about photography with a couple girls led to my two second dates, one to the SFMOMA to see a Lee Friedlander exhibit, one to the Legion of Honor to see an Annie Leibovitz exhibit, both of which were stunning buildings (the Legion of Honor in particular; it conveyed a sense of being on top of the city, being able to see all of SF and the bay and the ocean. I liked the Friedlander exhibit more, but both were fascinating.

3) Danny Coyle's. A fun Irish sports bar in the Lower Haight, good for dates, except when it gets loud, an easy walk to Vaughn and Tara's. It has since been dropped down the pecking order by the Irish Bank and The Pig and Whistle, pubs I discovered with friends, not dates. Is there a lesson there? Perhaps. But still, a good bar.

4) Social networking. I am now "Facebook friends" with a girl who is plugged into the local music scene, writing reviews for a music magazine, which means that when another friend of mine with a burgeoning music career in LA asked for ideas on where to play in the city, I had a place where I could drop his name and cultivate hints. This is the same girl I could ask advice from about improving my photography. Everyone needs people to use for their talents and knowledge sometimes.

5) The Blue Danube. A fun coffee house on the walking route home from work. Quirky, in the heart of a thriving but mellow Clement Street. I've had a few dates there, and transferred it into 'civilian' life there: and I hung out there the week before she moved (again) to LA. Also, Christmas lights in spring time, which is never a bad thing.

6)* The almost category. Supposedly one of the girls had an iPod Shuffle she was going to give me to apologize for canceling the original date. Another date was going to possibly lead to bumper cars in Santa Cruz, but that fell through. But the potential alone was kind of cool.

7)✝Lessons learned. The restaurant Coi in North Beach. Great atmosphere. Great food. Great shock to the system when you go from blind dates whose tabs don't exceed $15 to one where the tab nears the $100 line. Still, worth it, because the date was with a magician, so that's a story to tell the kids; she was also the potential bumper cars accomplice who made herself disappear, so she's clearly good at her job.

Seriously, though, it feels like there is a certain cachet to being able to say that I've gone on dates with photographers and magicians.

8) A rudimentary ease of manner when conversing with strangers, so when the cute girl in the bakery asks your name, saying that since she sees you a lot, she ought to know that much at least, you can banter and fall into speculation without undue anxiety or stammering. Keeping in mind, of course, the need for skepticism about any banter where tips are involved.

I find that the benefits to blind dating seem to be not so much about the individuals involved, but the fun and the new experiences that I've had. It is apparently a selfish pursuit, finding someone to tip back a beer or a coffee with, under the understanding that odds are against anything developing. It also teaches you that dates can become the same conversation over and over again.

So the best profit I've earned from dating is to become tired of dating for now, to become more interested instead in writing, in volunteering, in surviving the ravages of Republican powermongering, in establishing long term goals that at the moment may feature becoming a famous writer and moving to London to watch football in the pubs with my friends (seriously, you haven't known fun unless you've been in a pub with British friends watching England beat Argentina in the World Cup. Grown men on their knees in angst or joy. Or maybe I'll be inspired by The Assault On Reason and stay here and try to lead a revolution in a quiet, demure sort of way.

So many options, all from blind dating. Who knew?